Killing Giants

I like to read funny blogs like "Stuff Christians Like" and I like to read decorating blogs like "The Nester" but when they have serious posts, I usually just skim them if I read them at all, yet here I am about to write a serious post. I guess I've just felt a little more serious lately, like for the last 14 months to be exact.

A few months back we had a guest speaker at church who talked about killing the giants in our lives. He used examples like the giant of pornography, or the giant of unforgiveness. As I listened to the altar call to come and kill your giants, I asked the Lord what my giant was. I didn't really get a clear answer. That doesn't mean I don't have giants to kill, I just couldn't discern what the Lord wanted to speak to me in that moment. I left the service with the thought of dead giants swiftly leaving my brain. A few days later, I was on a walk when the word INDULGENCE popped into my head. Hmmmmm - strange, I thought. But the longer I walked, the more I felt impressed to stop and look up the word. It means: An inability to resist the gratification of whims and desires - foolish or senseless behavior - intemperance. It was that last word that got me - intemperance. Growing up in the 80's, I learned all my Bible verses for Missionettes from the King James Version and I recalled the Fruit of the Spirit verses ending with temperence. When I was 10 - I didn't know what that really meant, but I learned it so I could get more badges than my sister (but that's a whole different post). So if temperence was a Fruit of the Spirit, then IN-temperance probably wasn't. Then God wrote in the sky, "INDULGENCE IS YOUR GIANT!!!" Ok - He didn't really write it in the sky - but it felt that strong.

An inability to resist the gratification of whims and desires. Wow, where wasn't I being indulgent in my life? We tend to make out indulgence to be a good thing like, "You had a hard day - you deserve to indulge in a little chocolate, or some mindless TV!" I was able to justify all of my indulgences!! I just had to move away from all of my friends so I deserve to eat Cheetos whenever I want! I have to get up soooo early now that I deserve the extra sleep that is replacing my devotional time. My life is so busy that I deserve to lie on the couch and watch TV instead of exercising. My circumstances are difficult so I deserve to wallow in self pity any time the mood hits. But guess what - I don't deserve it!! That is living a life with no moderation and I am supposed to be a living example of the Fruit of the Spirit! Intemperance is the opposite of a Fruit of the Spirit.

I know that I need to make changes, but I don't want to! It's so much easier to INDULGE myself! I had convinced myself that after a year of living here, I would be in the groove - I would be happy and have things handled, but I keep feeling farther and farther away from that the longer I live here. It is in no small part because of the indulging of my flesh. How can I feel happy when I live in the mire of self pity?? How can I feel strong when I am treating my body worse than any time of my life so far?? But how am I supposed to change? Well, one thing I have learned in these 42 years of life is that I cannot do it alone and God doesn't want me to. It is indulging my pride to think I could do it by myself!

So I am asking God to renew my mind and give me HIS strength to kill the giant of indulgence. I am also asking you, my peeps to help me. To admit that I am not good at something is not really something that I love. Far from it. If I am not going to be good at something - I don't even want to try it! But it is not like my indulgence isn't being played out in my body for the world to see every day - so I will take off my rose colored glasses and admit that I have a problem with indulgence. I comfort myself with food and sleep and TV. I have a tendency to lean in to self pity instead of renewing my mind with God's Word. My next post will give a bit of an outline of what my plans are and how you can help, but for now, I'm asking that you pray with me for strength and if there is something that I can pray with you about, please let me know.

If you have read this far - WOW - I am impressed!! Thanks for listening! More to come.